I’ve been very vocal about my mental health, especially on this blog. If you’ve been reading for awhile, you know that I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve had panic attacks so bad I wished I could just pass out until they were over. I have had difficult days, only to come home and hyperventilate over a simple issue that just happened to be my last straw.
I’ve been vocal about these very personal things because I want to be a voice that breaks the stigma surrounding mental health. There is no healing for what we keep hidden in the darkness; only for what we bring into the light. That’s why today’s topic is a little bit of a hot take.
Anxiety Reveals My Weakness
In no way do I mean that I am a weak person because I struggle with anxiety. Nor do I mean that you are if you do; far from it actually. Activities that are easy for my neurotypical friends, like social interactions with large groups, are really hard for me. It takes massive strength to face the world on days when you feel like falling apart.
But, anxiety does reveal to me what I can’t do for myself. I can’t manufacture feelings of peace. I can’t create lasting happiness out of thin air. When I try to find it by digging deep enough inside me, I find emptiness and end up exhausted. It can be incredibly frustrating. That is, until I remember that I have somewhere else to look.
And That’s Okay
Anxiety reveals my weakness. It reveals to me what I can’t do for myself. I’m a very independent person and I don’t like to feel weak. But in this instance, I’m okay with it.
Because my weakness reveals something greater. When I’m struggling, my Savior says to me “my power is made perfect in your weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). So no, I may not be able to manufacture serene feelings of happiness. But when I can’t, it reminds me to look to the ultimate source of peace. Then, I have something better than a false sense of security; I have a stronghold when the world is shaking around me. I have assurance that I can face my worst days with Jesus and come out on the other side.
What I hope you learn from this is that you can, too. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay not to have it all together. But when we don’t, our only hope is Christ.
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