Madison J. Caplinger

Hello, friend. Sibling in Christ. Child of God. Today you revealed your crisis of faith to a group of friends. That was incredibly brave and I applaud you rather than judge you; doubts are part of the human experience. 

I want you to know something that may surprise you: I’ve been there. I’ve struggled with questions I still can’t completely answer and wondered if everything I’ve done for God has really been for nothing and no one.

Let me take you back a little over a year ago. I’d just started college and for the first time, I had no safety net. What I believed was less about what my parents told me and more about what I decided. And I was not in the kind of place in which you make good choices.

I attended church and the BCM in an attempt to feel connected to God again. I would sit in my seat and listen to the message, writhing in shame and feeling confused, alone, and vulnerable. I’d put on a good face so no one would know how broken I was. I was in self destruct mode.

Intellectual questions about the faith I’d claimed for 10 years added fuel to the fire. There are too many unanswerable questions to list about God, Christianity, and the Bible. There are so many things we’ll never understand, and I had people in my life who whispered doubt in my ear like a devil sitting on my shoulder.

So how do we get from this low point to where I am now, blogging faith-based advice to you? I wish I had some cathartic experience in which God spoke to me from the sky, but that’s just not what happened. God did, however, speak to me in whispers, letting me know that no matter how wrong or broken I was, he’d never give up on me. He brought about change in my life circumstances in a way that only He can, and showed me endless grace.

You’ve already done what I wish I had: tell someone you’re struggling. You and I are fortunate to have a community of amazing Christian people at our disposal who will lift you up and encourage you. I’m more than willing to be one of them. 

So if I had any other advice to offer from my experience, it’s this: don’t run from your doubt. Mine ended up making me a far better Christian. You may have questions that you’ll never find an answer to; as a matter of fact, I guarantee it. But pursuing those answers will drive you to the truth. Seek the truth relentlessly. It’s so hard, but so worth finding.

Finally, know that God is with you. It sounds cliche, but it’s the reason I’m here. On the days when you struggle most, He’s there. On the days you’re not sure He exist, He’s there. When you cry out for Him to reveal Himself and feel nothing, He’s still there. 

There’s a purpose for what you’re going through even if you never get to see what it is. Just don’t give up in case you do. We love you.